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Ruin Your Opponent's Day: Noodle Mill

Good morning, church.  Settle down.  Settle down.  Good morning, and welcome to the Church of Frustration.  My name is Brother Mostly, but you all can call me Pastor.  I'd like to thank you for joining us this beautiful Sunday morning.  Before I begin, I'd like to thank Brother Olive for his assistance at the potluck last week.  It's always a joy when we get to see the Church of Jank. 

Now, I would like to share with you all a dream I had the other night.  A dream in which our lord and savior, Durant NVI 83 came to me and prophesied his return.  A dream, my children, which I believe has come to fruition this very night.  A dream which is ushered in by the newest Pokemon TCG set, Sword and Shield.  Yes, my church.  I speak of the second coming of Devour.  The return of Discard. 

The rebirth of Mill. 

But before I preach, I must set the stage and explain what that is.  "Mill."  Mill, or Milling, is when you put the top card of your opponent's deck into their discard.  This term comes to us from the wonderful world of Magic: The Gathering, where it got its name from the very first card printed to feature the mechanic, Millstone.

THE DECK

THE PRODIGAL SON

 

Behold.  Behold the SECOND COMING OF DURANT!!!!!  Ok, that's enough of that.  But it is important to note that Durant is the card that got me into playing Pokemon.  It was the first deck I really built and took to tournaments.  I loved that little metal picnic ruiner.  So I was very, very excited to see a spiritual successor to Durant.  That is, a card that could mill based on how many *things* you had in play.  With Durant, it was how many other Durant.  With Centiskorch, it's how many fire energy. 

Our primary focus here is the first attack, Hundred Foot Flames: {F} For each {F} Energy attached to this Pokemon, discard the top card of your opponent's deck.  This is our primary attacker.  Everything else in the deck is designed around getting energy onto him. 

THE BACKUPS

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Moltres TEU 19 is here as kind of a filler for Centiskorch.  He also mills a card for each Fire energy attached.  However, the crucial difference is you have to discard all fire energy attached to Moltres.  This is less than ideal.  Moltres can kind of get the game rolling while you are setting up your Cinteskorch. 

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I am loathed to include Jirachi TEU 99 because a set of three doubles the cost of the deck.  But I'm just not sure there is a better way to make the deck more consistent in this era of sub-optimal pokemon search.  I mean if you could somehow stuff three Pidgeotto TEU 123 into the deck then that's probably better.  Needles to say, This is the first card I'd replace if you are looking for something better.  See below for some options. 

THE SUPPORT CAST

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Let's just get this out of the way now.  It's a Fire deck.  Of course there are Welders.  We have the entire "Fire package" in the deck.  I do not like Welder.  I think it is an overly-powerful card that should have been a Tag Team supporter, at best.  I think it was a mistake which has hamstrung deck building, and will continue to hamstring it until the card finally rotates out.  HAVING SAID THAT, I run a full playset in this deck because it works.  You need to power out as much fire energy as you possibly can and, at the moment, there is no better way to do it.  I'm not happy about it, though. 

With the advent of Sword and Shield, we have really lost our "good" search options.  Ideally, a deck like this would want to run something like Ultra Ball SUM 135 and Nest Ball SUM 123.  Heck, we'd sell our entire Secret Rare collection for a reprint of Evosoda XY 116.  But we don't have that luxury anymore so we make do. 

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Bellelba & Brycen-Man (B&BM) is a mill card that I absolutely love.  Love, Love Love.  I've loved this card ever since it was spoiled.  I made an entire article about how it makes Pidgeotto Stall relevant again.  It's such a good card.  If you are going to make a mill deck, it's practically an auto-include.  In fact, I really believe it should be tech'd as a one-of in every deck, as it is not only the bests mill card, but it is also the best counter-mill card. 

Lysander Prism Star might be a slightly perplexing inclusion, especially if you've been playing since it was released (Forbidden Light) and don't recall ever seeing it do anything meaningful.  In this deck, you will frequently have 5 or 6 fire pokemon out at one time, which means you can lost zone that many cards from your opponent's discard pile.  Using this card puts anything in their discard beyond reach and unrecoverable for the rest of the game.  This can often end the game right there. 

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Cynthia & Caitlin just lets you recycle your supporters and, in a pinch, draw 3 more cards.  It's Nice. 

Marnie is another newcommer in Sword and Shield, and gives us a really good alternative to Judge.  The crucial difference between Marnie and Judge, besides letting you draw one more card, is that the card you put back into your deck are essentially out of reach unless your opponent shuffles. 

REPLACEMENTS

As I said earlier, I'm not a huge fan of Jirachi.  He's just so expensive.  I think you could be forgiven for running a set of three Oranguru UPR 114.  It would save you a lot of money.  You could also reduce some of the supporters and replace him with a playset of Crushing Hammer SUM 115, a card which was made LEGAL in this format thanks to its reprinting at Secret Rare quality in Ultra Prism.

CONCLUSION

And so we conclude today's message with a prayer.  Dear Durant, please watch over this congregation as they go out into the world and spread the message of your Millness.  Bless our decks to never dead-draw.  Bless our prizes to never be the card we need.  And bless our opponents, who never asked for this. 


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